The story is told of the Irishman who went to his local priest for help regarding his marriage. He told the priest that his wife was a holy terror at home. She was incorrigible. She was like a volcano ready to explode at any moment. She would fly off the handle and curse up a storm. The parishioner asked the priest if he would be willing to come home with him, and give his wife a stern talk. Although the priest was at first very reluctant to wedge himself into the middle of a domestic dispute he agreed to go. After all it was his parish duty! As they approached the house the man told the priest to wait outside for a few minutes while he went inside. When the priest asked why? The man replied, “Well, I need to go inside and get her started.”
The man in our story is more of the problem than he imagines, and so are we when it comes to many of our personal and professional conflicts. James, the half brother of our Lord Jesus, would remind us that conflict often arises out of wounded self-love or a spirit of covetousness and competiveness (James 4:1-3). One man’s fall into sin left all men with concaved hearts, hearts turned in on themselves, hearts that are self-seeking; therefore anyone or anything that competes with our desire for pleasure or preeminence is seen as a threat, a threat that must be eliminated, which invariably leads to conflict. Our problem with others really begins with us! Our self-centered desires, unmet expectations, and unsubmitted wills are often the genesis of our conflicts with people.
Sadly, starting a fight is too easy for us; we are good at it because we are bad. But stopping the fight is hard! That is why we would do well to heed the admonition of Paul to the Ephesians regarding the things that make for peace (Eph. 4:1-3). In seeking to engender unity among them, Paul calls for grace and grit in the pursuit of peace.
First, harmony requires grace (Eph. 4:1-2). Conflict is primarily a sin issue and therefore requires a gospel solution. Paul immediately calls upon the Ephesians to live out their relationship with Christ in relationship to others. They need to walk worthy of their calling in Christ. He wants the gospel to shape, deepen, and repair their relationships with each other. Why? Because the saving work of Christ not only brings people to God it brings people together. Like the Savior they must be marked by humility. They must put others before themselves. Like the Savior they must be meek and show strength under control. They must not treat others rudely or roughly. Like the Savior they must manifest a forbearing spirit toward those who would test their patience. They must make room for others to fail, and live in the hope that people can change. We must do similarly!
Second, harmony requires grit (Eph. 4:3). Paul would have them and us know that conflict resolution is work. We must endeavor to diligently apply ourselves to keeping the peace. We must sweat to take the heat out of conflict. In the light of the gospel, we must take the initiative in building bridges of better communication and pulling down walls of misunderstanding.
Remember, the things that make for peace are grace and grit!